I smell stomach acid.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
