I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
