It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
