Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
