my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
