i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
