Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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