Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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