you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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