When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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