She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
