and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
