oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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