i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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