i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
