god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
