Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
