I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
two words: eviction party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
