don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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