i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize