careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
