So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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