I accidentally had phone sex last night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
