There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
