that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
