Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
