I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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