last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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