So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
