Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she peed on how many people?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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