C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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