I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
