where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
