erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize