I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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