Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
