Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
