I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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