Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
