Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
