Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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