My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
