now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize