Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
