i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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