Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
