She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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