In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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