My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
