I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
