Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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