so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
