oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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