Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
