my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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