I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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