I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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