My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
