Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We have so much sex to catch up on
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
