I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need moral support for this bender
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
