I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i now understand why vodka
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
