I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
