First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
